Couple therapy
Couple psychotherapy for relationships that feel stuck, strained, distant, or caught in painful repetition.
Relationship difficulties often affect far more than the relationship itself. They can shape how safe it feels to be close, how easily you can speak honestly, how conflict unfolds, and whether trust, belonging, or repair feel possible.
You may feel distant, misunderstood, guarded, quick to withdraw, quick to pursue, or caught between wanting closeness and needing to protect yourself.
My approach is relational and trauma-informed, with close attention to attachment, emotional regulation, and the patterns people can get pulled into together when connection becomes strained or repair feels difficult.
If you would like a clearer sense of the wider approaches that inform this way of working, you can read more here: Approaches I integrate in therapy ›
This may be particularly relevant if you are looking for couple therapy in Reading, Berkshire, or online, or for support with recurring relational patterns.
When a relationship feels stuck
Couple therapy can help when a relationship feels stuck, strained, distant, fragile, or caught in painful repetition.
Many couples come for support not because they do not care about each other, but because the same tensions keep returning. You may find yourselves having the same argument in different forms, struggling to feel heard, withdrawing from each other, or becoming trapped in cycles of criticism, defensiveness, shutdown, or pursuit.
Even when both people want things to improve, it can be hard to shift a pattern once it has become established between you.
Sessions can offer a space to slow that cycle down enough to understand what is happening between you, and what may become possible instead.
When it may be helpful
You may recognise some of the following:
the same conflict keeps returning without real resolution
one or both of you feels misunderstood, criticised, blamed, or emotionally alone
attempts to speak openly escalate quickly
one partner pursues while the other withdraws
closeness, intimacy, or trust has become harder to reach
differences in emotional needs, communication, or coping styles create repeated friction
repair is difficult after rupture
one or both partners become shut down, overwhelmed, or guarded
old hurts continue to shape the relationship now
something important between you feels difficult to reach
What the work focuses on
The focus is not on deciding who is right. It is on understanding the cycle the two of you get pulled into together.
Therapy can help slow that cycle down enough to understand:
what each of you experiences during moments of tension
what triggers defensiveness, shutdown, anger, or withdrawal
what deeper fears, longings, or vulnerabilities may sit underneath the visible conflict
how earlier experiences or attachment patterns may be influencing the present
how to create more room for honesty, listening, boundaries, and repair
The aim is not perfect communication. It is to help the relationship become more understandable, less reactive, and more capable of repair and care.
What couple psychotherapy can support
Over time, this can help both people feel less trapped in the cycle and more able to understand and respond to one another differently.
It may support you to:
identify the cycle you are caught in together
understand each other more clearly beneath the surface argument
reduce blame and increase mutual understanding
communicate with greater clarity
recognise escalation earlier
create more space for vulnerability without overwhelm
strengthen the possibility of repair, trust, and emotional connection
make more thoughtful decisions about the relationship
“What changed was not that everything became easy, but that we started to understand each other differently. Once we could recognise when old trauma was getting triggered, there was more care, less blame, and more safety between us. It changed the atmosphere at home too — things felt calmer and safer for the whole family, and the children began acting out less.”
— Couple clients (anonymised)
How I work with couples
My way of working is grounded in relationship and informed by trauma, attachment, and the nervous system. That means I pay close attention not only to what is said, but to what happens between you when tension rises, closeness feels difficult, or repair breaks down.
This includes attention to patterns of pursuit, withdrawal, guardedness, overwhelm, reactivity, and shutdown, and to how earlier experiences may still be shaping present moments between you.
The work is paced carefully. The aim is not to force disclosure or escalate confrontation, but to help each of you understand more about what happens in the relationship, what each of you may be protecting, and what might help create more steadiness, honesty, and repair.
When couple work may not be the right starting point
This work requires a genuine willingness to engage from both people. It is not mediation, and it is not about establishing who is right.
If one partner is significantly uncertain, that is worth a conversation before we begin.
I do not work with relationships where there is ongoing domestic abuse. In those situations, safety comes first, and I can help you think through what support would be more appropriate.
If you are considering couple therapy
If you are considering couple psychotherapy, you can read more about fees and session arrangements here: Fees & practicalities ›
If you would like to explore whether this way of working may be a good fit, you are very welcome to get in touch or book a free 20-minute consultation: Contact ›
If relationship difficulties, distance, repeated misunderstandings, or painful relational patterns are part of what brings you here, you are very welcome to book a free 20-minute consultation.
We can talk about what feels most difficult and whether this seems like a good fit.
There is no pressure to continue.