Couple therapy in Reading and online
When the relationship feels stuck in a familiar pattern
Couple therapy for communication difficulties, emotional distance, recurring conflict, loss of trust, intimacy difficulties, and patterns that have become hard to shift.
Sessions are available in person in Shinfield, Reading, Berkshire, and online.
A relationship does not have to be at breaking point for couple therapy to be helpful. Some couples come because something painful has happened. Others want to understand a recurring difficulty before it becomes more deeply established.
Relationships can become strained through busy lives, work or family pressures, different ways of communicating, changes in intimacy, breaches of trust, major transitions, or hurts that have accumulated over time.
Earlier experiences may sometimes contribute to what happens between two people, but they are not assumed to be the cause of every relationship difficulty. You do not need to understand your relationship through a trauma framework for couple therapy with me to be relevant.
This may be for you if
You may recognise that:
the same disagreement keeps returning without real resolution
attempts to talk quickly become tense, defensive, or overwhelming
one of you tends to pursue a conversation while the other withdraws
you feel emotionally or physically distant from one another
intimacy, affection, or sexual connection has changed
trust has been affected by an affair, secrecy, or another rupture
parenting, work, health, loss, or a major life transition has placed pressure on the relationship
you are unsure about the future and want to make a thoughtful decision together
you want to strengthen the relationship before difficulties become more entrenched
You do not need to agree completely about why the relationship is struggling. A workable starting point is a willingness from both people to reflect on what is happening and consider whether something could change.
Couple therapy may offer a useful space when both people want to understand the relationship more clearly, even if they are not yet sure what repair or change might look like.
When couple work may not be the right starting point
Couple therapy requires a genuine willingness to engage from both people.
It is not mediation, legal assessment, or a process for establishing who is right.
If one partner is significantly uncertain about taking part, it is important to discuss this before beginning.
Couple therapy may also not be the right first step where the immediate priority is crisis support, individual stabilisation, addiction support, safeguarding, legal advice, or specialist domestic abuse support.
Where there has been an affair, betrayal, secrecy, or another major rupture, couple therapy may still be possible. The work requires careful agreement around honesty, safety, and what each person is prepared to engage with.
Safety within the relationship is particularly important when considering whether joint therapy is appropriate.
I do not offer couple therapy where there is:
ongoing domestic abuse
coercive control
intimidation or fear within the relationship
threats or violence
pressure placed on someone to attend
In these situations, the priority is safety, specialist support, and careful individual advice. If I am concerned that joint sessions could increase risk, I may recommend separate or specialist support instead.
A first conversation can help you find a starting point
You do not need to know exactly what the pattern is before getting in touch.
A free 20-minute consultation gives us a chance to discuss:
what has been happening
what each of you is hoping for
whether couple therapy feels like an appropriate place to begin
Where possible, both partners attend this initial conversation. This allows me to hear briefly from each of you and begin to consider whether couple therapy may be appropriate.
If we decide to explore working together, the assessment normally also includes a brief private conversation with each partner. This helps me consider whether joint therapy is safe, freely chosen and appropriate.
Before any separate conversation, I explain how confidentiality and information sharing apply.
There is no pressure to continue beyond the consultation or assessment.
Practicalities
Sessions are available in person in Shinfield, Reading, Berkshire, and online via Zoom.
Access note: The Shinfield therapy room currently has no wheelchair access or accessible toilet. Please let me know if you have access requirements before arranging an in-person appointment.
Sessions are usually 50 minutes.
Longer sessions may be arranged where clinically appropriate and are charged proportionally, based on the applicable fee for a 50-minute session.
The format depends on what is clinically appropriate for the couple and the work.
For current fees and practical arrangements, please see:
For common questions about starting therapy and what to expect, you may also find the FAQ helpful.
The pattern you may be caught in
Couples often come for therapy not because they no longer care about each other, but because the same pattern keeps taking over.
You may find yourselves:
having the same argument in different forms
struggling to feel heard or understood
avoiding subjects that feel too difficult to raise
withdrawing from each other
becoming critical or defensive
feeling unable to reach one another when things become tense
A common dynamic is that one person seeks contact, clarity, or reassurance while the other needs space, pulls away, or becomes overwhelmed.
Each response may make sense from that person’s perspective. Together, however, they can create a cycle that leaves both people feeling alone, hurt, frustrated, or misunderstood.
Couple therapy offers a space to slow the cycle down, understand what happens to each of you within it, and create more room for a different response.
How we may work with the relationship
Couple therapy involves more than improving communication. We may look together at the recurring pattern between you, what happens to each of you when that pattern is activated, and what might make a different response possible.
The sections below give a fuller sense of what sessions may involve and how I approach the work.
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The focus is not on deciding who is right or assigning all responsibility to one person.
Instead, we work to understand the cycle that develops between you while taking each person’s experience, choices, and responsibilities seriously.
In sessions, we may explore:
what happens between you during moments of tension
how current pressures or life changes are affecting the relationship
what each of you hears, feels, and assumes when the pattern begins
what triggers anger, defensiveness, withdrawal, shutdown, or pursuit
the needs, fears, longings, or vulnerabilities beneath the visible conflict
where relevant, how earlier relationships or attachment experiences may influence the present
what helps create more room for listening, honesty, boundaries, intimacy, and repair
The aim is not perfect communication. It is to help the relationship become:
more understandable
less reactive
more emotionally connected
more able to tolerate difference
more capable of care and repair
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Relationships are central to my wider psychotherapy practice. In couple therapy, the relationship between you becomes the focus, while each person’s experience is held with care and respect.
My approach is relational and attachment-informed. I pay attention not only to what is said, but also to what happens between you when closeness feels difficult, tension rises, misunderstandings occur, or attempts at repair break down.
My wider practice is also trauma-informed. This does not mean assuming that either partner is traumatised or that trauma explains every relationship difficulty.
It means recognising when conflict, closeness, uncertainty, or emotional exposure is making it difficult for one or both partners to remain present and engaged. We can then slow the work down, support regulation, and make enough room for a more useful conversation.
When earlier relational wounds or traumatic experiences are relevant, we explore how they may be affecting the relationship now. Couple sessions are not used to push either partner into deep individual trauma processing. If substantial individual work appears necessary, we can consider whether separate individual support would be helpful alongside or before continuing couple therapy.
Sessions may also include practical attention to:
communication
boundaries
emotional regulation
expressing needs more clearly
listening without immediately defending or withdrawing
repair after conflict
These are held within a wider relational process, rather than applied as isolated communication techniques.
If you would like a clearer sense of the approaches that inform my wider psychotherapy practice, you can read more here:
What couple therapy may help make possible
As therapy progresses, you may feel less trapped in familiar cycles and more able to respond to one another differently.
Possible changes may include:
recognising the pattern earlier
reducing blame and increasing mutual understanding
communicating with greater clarity and less escalation
creating more space for vulnerability without overwhelm
feeling more emotionally or physically connected
rebuilding trust where repair is possible
developing clearer and more respectful boundaries
making thoughtful decisions about the future of the relationship
Couple therapy does not presume that every relationship must continue. Where necessary, it can also support a more thoughtful understanding of whether and how to remain together, or how to separate with greater clarity and care.
If you are considering couple therapy
If both of you are willing to take part, an initial consultation can help us assess whether joint work is an appropriate starting point.
There is no pressure to continue.