Working with the therapeutic relationship and the nervous system to support lasting change

You may understand your difficulties very well — and still find your body reacting as if safety can’t quite be felt yet.

You might recognise some of these experiences:

• understanding your patterns but still reacting with anxiety, shutdown, or hypervigilance

• feeling constantly on alert, exhausted, or disconnected from yourself

• recurring relationship patterns that are difficult to shift

• sleep that never quite settles

• a sense that your system never quite feels safe or settled.

In my work, we pay attention not only to what happened in the past but also to how the nervous system learned to respond, how those patterns show up in the present, and how they can gradually change.

You may feel constantly on alert, emotionally exhausted, disconnected from yourself, or caught in patterns that are difficult to change. Sleep may remain unsettled and relationships may feel strained or confusing. Even when life appears stable on the outside, something inside may still feel unsafe or stuck.

When the nervous system has adapted to stress, shock, or relational trauma, these responses can persist even when circumstances have changed. They are not signs of weakness. They are the mind and body’s way of trying to protect you.

Trauma does not always look dramatic. Sometimes it shows up in quieter patterns — chronic tension, high-functioning, people-pleasing, shutdown, poor sleep, dissociation, or a system that rarely feels fully settled. These responses can be easy to overlook, especially when someone is managing to function on the outside.

Based in Shinfield, Reading, I offer relational trauma psychotherapy for individuals, couples, and groups — in person and online.

Therapy offers a space where these patterns begin to soften and change over time.

If some of this resonates, you’re welcome to book a free 20-minute consultation.

We can think together about whether this approach feels like a good fit.

Book a free consultation ›

Therapy begins with the relationship

Research consistently shows that the quality of the therapeutic relationship is one of the strongest predictors of meaningful change.

My work is grounded in relational psychotherapy, meaning we explore your experience together — emotionally, psychologically, and in the nervous system — and how patterns may have developed over time.

Rather than trying to force change, the work focuses on building safety, stability, and understanding. From there, deeper therapeutic work can unfold at a pace that feels manageable.

When understanding alone does not change the reactions

Many people arrive in therapy already having reflected deeply on their past. Yet despite this understanding, the body may still respond automatically with anxiety, shutdown, dissociation, or hypervigilance.

Experiences of trauma and long-term stress are not only held in thoughts or memories. They are also held in the nervous system and the body.

Within the relational therapeutic process, therapy may draw on approaches that help gently explore how these patterns developed and how they can gradually shift.

How I work

My approach integrates relational psychotherapy with trauma-informed methods that work with both emotional experience and the nervous system.

Depending on what is most helpful for you, therapy may include:

• Deep Brain Reorienting (DBR) — working with shock and threat responses

• Sensorimotor Psychotherapy — exploring how experience is held in the body

• Parts work and TA ego-state work — understanding inner protective patterns

• EMDR — where appropriate for trauma processing.

These approaches are not used as standalone techniques but as ways of supporting a coherent relational therapeutic process.

Working with the body and nervous system

Trauma and chronic stress can affect how the nervous system regulates itself. This can influence emotional responses, sleep, physical tension, concentration, and the sense of safety in the body.

Sensorimotor Psychotherapy helps us gently explore how experiences may be held in bodily sensations, posture, impulses, and patterns of response. Working with these patterns can open space for new responses to emerge, often bringing greater steadiness, flexibility, and a stronger sense of safety over time.

In this work, Deep Brain Reorienting (DBR) and Sensorimotor Psychotherapy often complement each other in practice. They help us attend to how experiences are held in the body and in the nervous system, particularly around moments of shock or threat. Within the safety of the therapeutic relationship, these approaches allow difficult experiences to be approached gradually, supporting the nervous system to settle and reorganise rather than becoming overwhelmed.

The therapeutic relationship matters not only in creating the conditions for trauma processing but also in supporting what follows. Before, during, and after trauma work, the relational experience itself can offer a genuine — and for some clients, unfamiliar — sense of being met with safety, attunement, and steadiness. As capacity and resilience grow, these experiences can gradually be internalised, becoming part of how a person relates to themselves and others.

ILF neurofeedback in Reading (in-person stabilisation support for therapy)

For some clients, psychotherapy can be supported by ILF neurofeedback, a gentle brain-training approach that helps the brain improve its own self-regulation.

It can be particularly helpful when the nervous system is highly reactive, easily overwhelmed, or struggling to settle into sleep or rest.

Neurofeedback is not a separate therapy but a supportive tool integrated with psychotherapy where clinically appropriate. ILF neurofeedback sessions are offered in person.

Areas of work

People commonly seek support for:

• trauma and developmental trauma

• anxiety, chronic stress, and hypervigilance

• dissociation or shutdown patterns

• overwhelm or persistent fatigue

• relationship and attachment difficulties

• persistent emotional patterns that feel difficult to shift

• nervous system dysregulation, including patterns of anxiety, low mood, compulsive coping, or overwhelm.

These experiences can look very different from one person to another, but they often share a common thread: the nervous system has had to work hard to adapt.

Many people who come to this work already understand their patterns intellectually, yet still find that their nervous system reacts automatically.

If some of this sounds familiar, you’re not alone — and change is possible.

Find out more:

Work with me ›

About me ›

Trauma ›

Help is at hand ›

Neurofeedback (in-person) ›

Reflections ›

Other ways of working

Alongside individual psychotherapy, I also offer trauma-informed work with couples, groups, and practitioners in supervision.

• Couple psychotherapy, supporting partners to understand patterns that emerge in relationship and to develop new ways of relating.

• Group psychotherapy, providing a space where relational patterns can be explored and understood within a supportive group environment.

• Clinical supervision, for therapists and practitioners working with trauma and relational processes.

Practicalities

Here are the basics — and if you’re unsure, you can ask in the consultation.

Individuals 16+. Couples or group work by arrangement.

In person (individuals and couples; Shinfield, Reading, Berkshire) and online (individuals, couples, groups; via Zoom).

Short-, medium-, and long-term work available.

If you’re considering working together

You don’t need to be certain about starting therapy to get in touch.

Reaching out for therapy can feel like a big step, and you don’t need to have everything figured out before getting in touch. You’re welcome to book a free 20-minute consultation.

We’ll talk about what you’re hoping for, answer any practical questions (format, timing, fees), and get a sense of whether my approach — and our working relationship — feels like the right fit.

No pressure.

T: 07803 049039 • E: paolo@presentingpast.co.uk

Find out more:

Words that accompany my work >

Based in Shinfield (Reading, Berkshire), I offer psychotherapy in person locally and online across the UK and internationally where appropriate.